And so we watch and so we learn/With eyes wide for our dreams to yearn

Posts tagged ‘teenagers’

Dreaming

It’s easy to forget, sometimes. My world, that is. The rooms around me feel so arbitrary, a safe house, a still point in time – a place of dormancy between journeys, where nothing truly remarkable happens. It is merely a space that can be relied on, for its simple existence. Home, the shell which holds us, a location of healing and preparing, of resting…and waiting.

Still ’round the corner there may wait/ A new road or secret gate;
And though I oft have passed them by/ 
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run/ 
West of the Moon, East of the Sun

It’s easy to lose your sense of presence here, because how could you focus on the stillness when you know what is happening?
Babies are being born and old grandmothers are speaking fierce words to their loved ones – people are risking their lives to save those who cannot save themselves, young ones are learning, expanding their minds, dreamers are dreaming, adventurers are adventuring, people are dancing, writing music, poems, inventing and discovering, crossing uncharted rainforests, taking specimens from the floor of a volcano, looking for life on the bottom of the ocean – a million languages are being spoken, a thousand cultures are breathing…

I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again – cross the sky and seek out the Great Perhaps. One day I’m going to as free as a migratory african swallow, and I will see it all. One day I will cross the oceans, arrive at places I have only been able to dream of. One day I will shoulder everything I need to live, chase the setting sun and find new worlds. One day I will stand on top of a mountain, dance on foreign shores, look upon the face of the raw wilderness in the animal kingdom, sing exultantly under blue skies that stretch to every horizon. One day I will turn around, take a breath and say “Hello Danielle”. One day I will look on the emotive faces of those I have never known truly before. One day the future will be the present, and everything will fall into place. One day I will chase away the scattered cobwebs that stretch over my mind in the idleness of everyday life, and I shall know every inch of this beautiful, marvelous, impossible world.

But until then…I am 16 and bound to the life of school and suburbia. Until then, I study and I help my mother with chores. Until these days come, 16 months – 508 days must pass, in the sanctuary that holds me here, binds me to this small small pocket of the universe. It will be, it must be, one day I know what I will be. But for now…I am here.

What Do You Speak, & Why?

There’s a cliche going around on the Internet, things like ‘I Speak Fandom/Hipster/Gallifreyan/Elvish’ etc. Building off that, I think I’ll take the liberty to add some personal observations of my own:

As well as Fandom, I speak, to my level of learning: spanish, biology, chemistry, sociology, mythology, literature, art and some forms of technobabble…
I have also found that I can speak travel enthusiast, mature light conversationalist, teenager and 5 year old child. 😛
I can speak calculatingly, flirtatiously, quietly, brashly, argumentatively, wisely, considerately, engagingly, with a large variety of people from very many walks of life.

And yet, somehow I barely understand australian.
My hindi is better than my bogan.
And I do not speak gossip-girl
or shallow
or vindictive
or weak-willed.

I have a very hard time speaking in a way which suggests a lack of interest, curiosity or ambition in life, and in that find some of my fellow classmates very difficult to connect with beyond the lightest layers of conversation.

It’s odd, to see what a difference escaping your environment can make. When I look around my classroom, there are those who stand out and those who do not – but alternatively, there are those who speak with maturity and those who do not. Indeed, it must be recognised that this is an environment where being hilarious, liked or admired > being mature or responsible. But even so, looking around and seeing so many small people, some who barely know how to think, barely seem to go beyond the caricatures they have been placed in, making the general remarks expected, trying only as hard as expected, being interested where expected…

I am probably being judgemental in forming these opinions. I barely know the majority of the people who surround me each day at school, not to a depth where I can understand them. But, even so I cannot help wondering, how they will be one day; when life has taken them through more, after they had to harden, be stronger, think with reason and sensibility. I find myself looking forward to seeing them at a reunion in 5-10 years, hearing their stories as they matured and developed and stabilised and struggled and succeeded and settled. Because, despite being in the last years at those school, with those who are soon to be called Adults, I only look around and my mind screams ‘Babies! All of them!’

Am I a baby too? Possibly. Probably. They all will have experienced things I have not, just as I have learnt things they have never had the chance to. But that being said, I can count on one hand the students in my year who I know are like me; those who have learnt to live with the protective wing of their family far away, and they do have a distinct air to those otherwise.

Living alone changes you. Facing the unknown without support hardens you. Growing up will always challenge you, and just because you can legally vote now does not say, in a million years, that you are in any way prepared for what’s coming next. And do you know what? That’s okay! Because we’re all gonna keep adapting too.

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On Matters of the Heart

If one does happen to come across one’s second-closest mate – well, the second closest out of the ones who live anywhere near you at the present time – who happens to send you a particularly romantic song declaring his love for you, things that I would recommend you not do in the presence of your other best mate who witnessing the whole event (with an unholy amount of glee):

  • Hide
  • Blush
  • Stammer
  • Not say much
  • Let the sender end the skype call without getting proper questions answered

And, above all do not, under any circumstances, complicate things any more by revealing any sort of other complicated hidden-secret emotions that you might possibly have which might include:

  • An inability to reciprocate your friend’s newely-revealed emotions
  • An unwillingness to do anything that might hurt said friends feelings
  • Any irrepressible or undeniable feelings for your other best mate
    -and kissing said unknowing best mate is generally considered a bad form of  telling him how you feel

That being said, it was a very nice kiss 😄

Did I mention I have 60 hours left on this continent?

Welcome to my life 😛

Growing Up

Do you know what’s interesting? How people grow up. How people think. Just, imagining back when you were 7 or so. (For some that’ll be merely a handful of years, for others the dinosaurs were still evolving :P) But, remember how grown-up you felt? Like you were big and could handle anything. And then when you were 12. Leaving primary school/being in middle school and starting to look at boys and going out and doing things by yourself. Most definitely grown up. And looking at the 7 year old babies, how so much less mature they were. And then there’s you now, at whatever age you happen to be in. To quote Andrew Blake who probably quoted it off someone else, “You’ve never been as old as you are today.” or something like that. And it’s true. Things happen in your life, over the years, change your mind and how you perceive the world.

We, as individuals, are constantly changing, the same way a teenage boy is constantly growing – and although its difficult to measure in small doses, and easier to see after large intervals of time. I think maybe that’s part of the reason teenagers get so cocky; because they’re thinking new thoughts with bigger, opener minds, and they can see that they are, and how much more similar they are, and independent, from the ‘Adults’. So, they start thinking that they’ve matured Enough, and that they should be treated the same as The Grown Ups. I don’t blame them, everybody wants to be important, independent and treated like a grown up – even 7 year olds. But that’s the thing I’ve been coming to realize. It’s not that simple. There isn’t ever any stopping point, a marker that says Done. There’s always something more, wisdom experience or understanding, that matures you that much more. Think about the Adults in the world around you – sometimes, they too have nofuckingidea what to do, what to say, or what the solution is to the curveball life’s thrown at them. 😛

It’s like those head-spinning physics theories, about 7th and 8th + dimensions. They could quite plausibly exist, but it’s incredible hard to imagine the idea of existing with extra dimensions, simply because we have no idea what it could possibly be like. Our minds cannot fathom an idea it has never encountered, it can’t imagine something so alien to anything it knows. There’s been examples made, of 2 dimensional and three dimensional worlds, but for more modem world examples; try and ask a lifelong nun to describe the sensation of French kissing. Or a man to describe the pain of giving birth. Or even a child who has lived on a farm inland all her life to describe the ocean in all 5 senses. It’s impossible. Not their fault at all, and I’m sure there are things a celibate nun has experienced that a boy-happy teen party girl hasn’t. But that’s the great conundrum of life really, getting more, be it experience or wisdom or understanding. Or maybe I’m just an a-typical Ravenclaw 😛

Back to the point though – we can’t imagine anything beyond what we’ve already experienced. So how can we imagine or be any wiser or more mature than we already are? Simply put, time. Just keep living, living life to the full, living and experiencing as much to the full as you can. And accept that there’s still more, that there’s always things you don’t yet understand. Yet.

I’m Bored

I’m bored. How many times have you heard a friend or teenager say it? There’s nothing to do, nothing to read, nothing good on tv. No money, no one to meet up with, no wifi. Is that what our generation has learnt, that we need our entertainment handed to us? Some mates I’ve got, they seem, between work and eating and sleeping, to live in a constant state of boredom. Computer games and tv, two of the most common forms of recreation these days, are almost as mindless as not doing anything at all. Who has ever really emerged from The Simpsons or Call of Duty enriched and satisfied? I honestly don’t see the point, when there’s already so much out there, so much to see.

I mean, think about it. The majority of these commercialized forms of entertainment, save the testosterone-fulfilling war&women types, are in some form of story telling. Creating stories, stimulating our imagination. The writers of the world should understand me here, but the rest of you, just think; how small a step it is to stop living off and using another persons imagination, and opening yours. Just open your eyes and look at the world around you. There’s just. so. much. Everything has a story, every person has a story, hopes and dreams and fears and a past and a future, every thing has to be made and everything has had things happen to them that leaves a mark. Just look around you, and really see.

Just look; at the people walking by – what do their clothes say about them? Their features and gestures and actions, jewelry and tattoos and things they’re carrying. They all say something about them. Where and they going, what are they doing, what might they be thinking? Some people put a lot of stock into how your facial features signify your personality, some believe it’s pure genetics. I experiment with both possibilities. Is there an old smile in that old mans crinkled eyebrows? Old people are especially interesting because they have had such long lives, so much time to have developed, had families, hobbies, dreams, grandchildren, faced suffering, lived and seen so much. And then there’s the young, with their vivacity and life – did she just get back from university, school or a friends house, and was her day good? What might she be thinking about? A frazzled mum after a long day of errands or returning home after a job, where? How is her life? His clothes are loud but his eyes are soft – an anarchist that still dreams, wants change and thinks this is the solution, statement, or boy hiding behind his clothes, trying to fit in and be cool? People are all so unique and yet the same patterns emerge, expand on what you know of our minds, and the human brain is so complex the possibilities are thrilling.

Just look; at the plants and animals – varying on the season and location, oh World. Birds singing in the trees, or around the ground, what types are they? Recognize and try to name plants growing, weeds, vines, trees and flowers and how the insects work with them in the huge system of creating and killing together that is Nature. Seedpods are always fascinating to figure out, like little puzzles. Leaves, how they grow and change and how and why they are in the shape/colour/texture they are. The seasons and local weather, how does it affect it all, the small mammals and the once-domestic street animals, the local creatures, the birds and lizards. (This is mainly interesting for those who travel and compare countries city/wildlife) But also, where and how did plants grow and get there? Gardens can say a lot, who and why and how they’re tended. A butterfly or beetle can catch and hold your attention as it passes by. So wrapped up in their busy little lives, who are we to disregard and ignore them?

The streets, houses, cars, things; how did they get there? Who built them, with what and how? Imagine how they were put together, and why. What happened to them all through the passing of time? Markings in the concrete by paws and leaves and shoes and tyres. Cracked cement from weather and nature. How did that car get that way? What’s the graffiti about, by who and why? The mesh behind the fence, to keep small dogs inside? What were the streets named the way they were? How and who painted that sign? Construction sights are especially fascinating, seeing things half made, trying to guess what the wires and pillars and pipes will become, and how they fit together. Electrical wirings, to and from where? Cultural influences, fashion and styles from years ago accumulating, shown in the world around us, in the plaster and cement and wood.

All you have to do is look.

Can you see now? With a world full of details to examine, how can you ever be bored? I know I’m not.