And so we watch and so we learn/With eyes wide for our dreams to yearn

Posts tagged ‘enough’

Broken Branches

Once upon a time there was a bird. She flew in and found herself somewhere new, an aviary full of strange and exotic creatures- some dark, some as bright as stars, some faster than the wind, others with amazing hearts, in every hue and shade under the sun. Among the amazing throng, there was a falcon, a raven, a turtledove and a rainbow lorikeet, all of whom enraptured her mind, heart and soul in different ways. But the falcon became too dangerous for them both and one day flew away for good. The raven was wiser than the little bird, wiser and older and more solemn, beyond her minds reach, as she learnt painfully with time. She grew to love the turtledove and it’s closest companion the lorikeet, until the latters distinct differences parted them, although they always had a close mutual friend, as a bond. The raven was always just out of arms reach, and she lived knowing that he was well, and the falcon flew overhead once in a blue moon, if she was lucky. Even as she lost the lorikeet, the turtledove was her closest companion and their mutual care for each other kept strong and warm. Until one day, when everything grew cold and the turtledove flew away for good, beyond where the little bird could ever be again. And so our little bird looked around at herself, at this aviary full of life and yet without those she loved and craved the most, and realized. That without them, she didn’t have a clue what to do next.

You know what, aviary? I’m done with you. I’m done with trying to keep up, trying to matter, trying to find someone reliable to be there for me, someone I can be there for as well. You are all amazing, but as the falcon said once; “Never have an online diary”- Never trust someone here so explicitly. Try not to trust anyone explicitly if you can avoid it, unless you’ve got a bloody amazing sibling or family member. Friends break like the branches of a plant, should you apply enough weight on them for too long. Plants – they can grow and you can become fond of them and make each other smile, but they aren’t there to build your roof over your head, or the net to catch you from falling. Something always breaks eventually. The universe is truly futile, the same as trying to keep a post important on the internet for more than 2 minutes. Life will get over you fast, so get over it. I sure hope I have.

You know, as kids we always dreamt of having a Best Friend Forever who we’ll always have to trust and love. But it never lasts, does it? So I’m abandoning that idea for good. Being spontaneous, hugging one person without explaining why that’s keeping the tears from your eyes, talking about a piece of the problem with another, spreading the little things and keeping the big ones buried. Nobody wants to hear your crap. I still want to be heard though, desperately at times, but it seems like nobodies listening. Well, I gotta deal with that. But I’ll do it my way. I’m not clinically depressed or addicted to too many things or under a physical ailment or asbergers or bipolar with a dozen suicide attempts under my belt. I’m not abused or scarred or oppressed or dying. But I’m still allowed to feel my own pain and have it mean something to me. Do you hear me, world?!?!?!? Do you?!?!

I didn’t think so.

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