And so we watch and so we learn/With eyes wide for our dreams to yearn

Posts tagged ‘dreams’

Before and After

Nostalgia is such an odd thing. We forget sometimes, how much we live in it sometimes. I know I do. 
But not of the past. The past has always been something to move on from, grow from, work past. People say they find comfort in the past, but I don’t. I find comfort in the future. In dreams. 

In planning and yearning and imagining and making true – in wishing and hoping and trusting. It’s a bad habit in ways, but it also makes life…when your dreams come true – and yes, they have and they do – there are never enough words to describe how incredible life feels. How overjoyed and euphoric and brimming with exhilaration, because this is what you dreamed of, and it’s real.

I felt that when I flew to Argentina. When I walked through a South American rainforest. When I had lunch with my boyfriends family. I felt that hour after hour in India – those three days where I spent time with people I’d never heard laugh before, when I hugged them and watched them smile in real time. Reality became surreal, my brain barely able to process anything that wasn’t directly related to this wish unfolding before my eyes, as naturally as if to say ‘Of course they’re right there – where else would they be? How else could the universe be, but this?’
And yet, what they don’t tell you about dreams coming true, is that there is an After. A time and a place where this present has passed, gone, moved on. Life is not still, stagnancy is poisonous, and so change just happen. And so your dreams do happen, and then sometime else must. Your dream, once so vivid in your imagination, and then so breathtakingly alive – they’ll be gone. Their hug cannot last forever, the ice skating rink will finish the session, you’ll have a plane to catch. And it’ll be gone. It’ll be past, lost in the depths of time again – not to go too Disney princess on you, but when you’re faced with your wishes coming true, and …What if it’s not everything you dreamed it would be? And when it passes, what if it is? What do you do then?
I guess Eugene is right. You just gotta then find a new dream.


In Which I Really Need To Make Travel Plans

There is not enough said
About longing for a new home
For the places you haven’t been to
For the worlds you haven’t known

There is not enough said
About yearning calls over the sea
Life you can so clearly imagine living
If you could only just be free

There is not enough said
When your town is the back of your hand
And you ache to find your other pieces
Buried with hearts in some other land

For when you know the feel of home
In a place every detail strange
There is joy to be found in unfamiliarity
And reassurance in change

And when you find new friends and love
In a world still foreign when you leave
You have to wonder; “Why the fuck did I go?”
“I need more time to live, to breathe;

“To find my rhythm in curiosity
With enough memories made to fill
What’s missing inside me – that exploration
And new discoveries I know surely will.”

For home is where the heart is,
And mine is big enough for the world to share
Now my problem isn’t finding all those places, though
But the monumental task getting there

Lost & Found

Reaching out to the stars, I am eternally minute
My spirit filling all, the empty ache fully grown
Embracing the universe
Reaching out to my loved ones
Emotional connection without words
Parts of me across the spinning earth, bound by memories, lingering in emotion
Tales told of them and then and what has been – strands of the universe
Spun together, I am the spindle
Tightly wound, insubstantial and strong
Made of all I hold dear, the impressions of scattered stars marked where only I see
Constellations made by my own journey across the universe, invisible to the world
The lives of everything dance in silent symphony
Of stories many will never know

The glimmering of the past flickers across my eyes
Blurring the now with all that was and will be
Destabilizing my presence, I am pulled, a leaf in the storm
Swept up by the winds of time
Screw the orchestra, let me only conduct
To view and witness and carry with fullness
The lives of others, so much greater to feel
Greater to know, such vividness that is to be
Very human, oh so human
Wicked, benign, careless – deep, impromptu, flawed
Take my life, let me only watch!
To grasp the movement outside all keys
Feel the universe in every fibre of my being
Drifting along the strands of time
Finding any and all which glow

The lively life of the living
Has never been so

A Story

“Tell me a story” she whispered
“Tell me a story and send me away
Sweep me off my feet by the light of day
Take me to a dream in shades of grey
To a world where magic is more than they say
Show me people more real, brighter than day
Darker than night, with new games to play
Show me a world and make me part of its own”
And so she was taken and so she was shown

They danced and they shone, brilliant as fire
Young as she was, saw only desire
“Dance with us, you can challenge our games?”
Daring and eager, she stepped into the flames

She laughed, twirling, swept up with the gale
Exhilarating freedom yet powerless and frail
To do and to be whomever they cared
They ran with abandon, a wildness shared

“But a friend?” She asked
“Bring me a friend in whom I can confide
Someone to trust, have nothing to hide
Compassionate, clever, mysterious inside
Same evils we’ll hate, same morals abide
Sisters we’ll be, ‘spite continental divide
To live and to love, to treasure with pride
Oh, what would I give for even one!”
She discovered with joy, new journey begun

With glee and with smiles, flying onwards steadfast
Exploring the world, the future, the past
Like Icarus as one, glorious on high
But with pain wings do melt, for all things must die

She fought and she fled, seeking solace in flight
Searching out sparks in overpowering night
But the tangled lines bound her body and soul
With it’s magic around her, keeping her whole

“So show me a way,” she begged
“Show me a way to be safe, to be free
For this world that I love has enraptured me
It’s molded and shaped half my destiny
Without now I fear that I cannot be
It’s pain and it’s pleasure, trepidation and glee.
But this balance in night is insanity!”
Heart not be parted, the seed had been sown
The fire awoken, this world now her home.

Time and Space

22 months. Not so long, and yet ages and eons and more. Lifetimes will pass, until the tomorrow when It happens. I know it will – because it must. The dream that I hold onto when the relentless wearing of school tires me, I’ve envisioned it so clearly its as if I could reach out and fall into it, as if it was only a small piece of time and not at all space that was my barrier from it. As if it would be the easiest thing in the world, to drive to the airport and catch a plane, to watch my country slip away from a window at 40,000 ft. To escape my world for the thrill of another, to land somewhere so wonderfully alien and wild, the source of all my dreams; India. Oh india! I can almost feel it, the heat and the smells and the sounds, the crowds of people and the hum of irrepressible life! No matter how wild or chaotic, my face would stretch to a grin that would split my face, my eyes huge as I try to take it all in. Forget your home, forget the tidy suburbs where you grew up in, embrace the universe and get swept away in its magnificence! It’s all there, I can feel it calling to me, reaching and tugging me, soul first, body second. 😀

First stop; the airport. The heat hits you as soon as you step off the plane. The rest is quick to follow, a tidal wave of noise and movement. Crowds of black headed men, colourfully draped women – dark eyes, teeth and tongues busy to add to the conglomeration of voices, noises, music, the ocean of languages and accents foreign to my ears. The signs pasted on the the walls, the floor a maze of busy feet, a jungle I must wade through and fight to find my own way. I could, would – and will!

And then, I’d see him (or her). Either at the terminal or outside, at an address or outside somewhere. In the sea of a strange new world, I’d see a familiar face, one I knew as well as any of my family, and yet never have seen a day in my life. They’d be there, right there!- after years of Skype and whatsapp, messages on Facebook, flung across the Internet and through the world of cyberspace. But not anymore, not when they’re living and breathing… I’d made it, I’d really made it, they were right there in front of me. Heart racing nerves, thrilled adrenaline, excitement, joy, giddy glee, all bubbling out of me – I know it will be, because it already is just thinking about it! I’d call out their name, watching their face, recognising me, oh, to bowl them over in a hug, or to handshake formally and pompously – eyes shining either way – meeting for the first time, and yet knowing each other already, so much.

It’s so far away but it’s the most amazing thing, that I physically cannot wait for. To go to The Most exotic and amazing country in the world is a dream in itself, but to be in such a world, with people I know and love, friends to whom this world belongs! To hear and see him laugh, to watch her draw it right in front of me, to actually be there, know them, know their world! To go somewhere new is always daunting, but – can you imagine? I’d be like Ariel when she got her legs, asking endless questions about the silliest of things, trying it all, reacting to them, and have someone to laugh with me and show me something more! It seems impossible, sometimes, to imagine existing somewhere that’s so different, and yet I know people who do, who can teach me! What an adventure it would be, to get to know people, friends, and worlds, that have existed only on the screen of my mind for far too long. People I will one day reach out and touch, play guitar with, sing with, fuss over and laugh over, grin and hug and talk and run with, through the marvellous today that hasn’t come yet.

You and me, time and space. Oh, you watch us run.

India, how Beautiful You Are Tonight

So, India. For some readers, like myself, India is another exotic and distant country on a map. For some of you, you’ve been there and experienced it yourself, or its even the world you know as your own. My most envious jealousies.
My city is clean and safe and cosmopolitan…and boring. My parents have travelled all over the world: Zimbabwe, Turkey, Columbia, Nepal, Egypt, Iceland, China, Germany, Indonesia. I had my first birthday in St. Petersburg, Russia, – my second birthday was in Edinburg, Scotland, and we’d been caravanning and travelling through all the countries in the between time and space. I grew up with the stories of my family’s adventures all over the world, with photos and souvineers, the undercurrent message that one day, I can do it all myself. My friends talk of going to France, to England, to the USA, but they seem so bland in comparison to other worlds that are out there, just waiting to explore…

Sorry, I’m rambling 😛 India! It epitomises everything I yearn to discover. The more I heard about it the more I love. My city’s most fashionable color is black, whereas India has the riots of colour and fabric in every shade imaginable. We have expensive restaurants that serve international cuisine – I want to eat it hot and fresh of the sidewalk food carts. The city councils fuss over things like skateboarders and chewing gum on the sidewalk ~ we’re so wrapped up in our neat tidy lives that we forget that there are thousands of people who struggle to maintain life in cities with twice the history, population and culture. The heat, the colour, the chaos – its too ordered here, reader. Its too clean and developed and modern here. Where are the traditions, the in-your-face differences, the vivacious life that cannot be repressed!

I know I am lucky. I know I am blessed to have security and stability in my environment. I know there are millions of people out there worse off than me. But if the world is a book, without travelling you have read but a single page. I have lived out of the cheapest accomodation and haggled with stall sellers in Indonesia, I have seen the markets of Bolivia, the richness and poverty and noises and smells and excitement of third world countries, and I have loved them! I love it when things happen spontaneously and you’re not quite sure of whats going to happen, when there’s so much more to see, so much more life to feel than men and women with dark grey suits and dark grey briefcases and dark grey clouds above dark grey buildings. Break your boxes people, the world is amazing, reach out and feel it!

And so you may now understand why India epitomises everything I love about travelling, everything I dream of exploring. All the Bollywood in history couldn’t give me enough of it. And I know it, like every country in the world, has its ugly side, but seeing all you amazing people on the internet, living in distinct worlds, it opens even more – companions to laugh and share the experience with –  that its not only real, but its just there. Reachable. The internet needs a teleport button 😛 My parents don’t understand , or maybe I haven’t expressed it clearly enough to them, of how truly inspiring and magical this dream is. I know its not a safe, normal, or possibly majorly palatable dream to dare, to others and myself, but it’s too fantastic to give up! Only teach me, educate me, if you wish – I will listen gladly – but don’t think you can hinder my flight. 😀 The world is impatient!