Nostalgia is such an odd thing. We forget sometimes, how much we live in it sometimes. I know I do.
But not of the past. The past has always been something to move on from, grow from, work past. People say they find comfort in the past, but I don’t. I find comfort in the future. In dreams.
In planning and yearning and imagining and making true – in wishing and hoping and trusting. It’s a bad habit in ways, but it also makes life…when your dreams come true – and yes, they have and they do – there are never enough words to describe how incredible life feels. How overjoyed and euphoric and brimming with exhilaration, because this is what you dreamed of, and it’s real.
I felt that when I flew to Argentina. When I walked through a South American rainforest. When I had lunch with my boyfriends family. I felt that hour after hour in India – those three days where I spent time with people I’d never heard laugh before, when I hugged them and watched them smile in real time. Reality became surreal, my brain barely able to process anything that wasn’t directly related to this wish unfolding before my eyes, as naturally as if to say ‘Of course they’re right there – where else would they be? How else could the universe be, but this?’
And yet, what they don’t tell you about dreams coming true, is that there is an After. A time and a place where this present has passed, gone, moved on. Life is not still, stagnancy is poisonous, and so change just happen. And so your dreams do happen, and then sometime else must. Your dream, once so vivid in your imagination, and then so breathtakingly alive – they’ll be gone. Their hug cannot last forever, the ice skating rink will finish the session, you’ll have a plane to catch. And it’ll be gone. It’ll be past, lost in the depths of time again – not to go too Disney princess on you, but when you’re faced with your wishes coming true, and …What if it’s not everything you dreamed it would be? And when it passes, what if it is? What do you do then?
I guess Eugene is right. You just gotta then find a new dream.